| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2003|11:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cooheed and cambria - the light & the glass | ] |
i love how everone "talks shit" and fights over livjournals... that so cool i wish i could be like them o so very much!!!!! and then they call the one person childish when they both are by doing this.. please be better then them and just stop.... like candy said make a community for you guys to fight in so guys are just so much cooler |
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| it all falls |
[Nov. 25th, 2003|05:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | throwdown -as we coke | ] |
well today what was perfect was ruined by me... i broke up with heather... such a horrible thing i did.. i really can't get over it... i really need to get my head straight.. i dunno what im going to do with myself.. the only one that understands is cait... and i idolize her for it.. and i don't know if anybody will understand... but this happened with lauren i became depressed and then i met heather and she lite up my world... and i knew i wanted to be with her... so we became boyfriend and girlfriend.... everthing was perfect intill... the feel of depression came again... and now it wont leave... its like a fucking demon... i wish that my life was a movie cause everthing turns out ok in them... i just need to keep my heart to myself and not give it up anymore for a while... i need to be more careful before i get into a relationship.. i need to know the person longer then i did... there so many thing i want to redo in my life and this is one of them... i hope that she ok cause im not im a werk as of now... its the only thing on my mind... its the only i can see... and u may all say life is just not fair and u have to eal with it but... i don't wanna deal with it... so if im a werck in school u'll know way sooo i dunno i really don't know anymore
i dunno what i want i just confused im losta nd i can't help it maybe can.. i dunno i... i think i better stop writing before i g et myself worse... i just wish i could be happy |
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| dicks are for my friends |
[Nov. 20th, 2003|07:05 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | mindless self indulgence - i hate jimmy page | ] |
heyo... i dunno what im doing really i just need to waste sometime intill dinner so yea...
craig is my god!!!!!
"hey it's ok my life has never been a bed of roses"
-MSI
MSI is playing in december who wants to see them with me |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2003|02:07 pm] |
im good at nothing :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 9th, 2003|06:38 pm] |
the new blink 182 rules
yea thats right i have it and it comes out in two weeks...
and i have it haha :brag brag:
ill send u one or two songs but i want people to actually buy the cd |
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| something strange |
[Nov. 9th, 2003|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | outkast - rose | ] |
Went to the mall with heather and her sister... that was fun... amber (heather's sister)was on a search for shoes that match her watch or something liek that i really don't know... she found so and bought them... then we went back to heather where we humg out for a bit... then went over saras... jess was there too.. i layed with heather for a while that so amazing.. then i started feeling sick and dizzy...
something really werid happened to me last night.... i started geting dizzy and allmost passed out... i have no clue in what happen... i was fine one second and then the next i was passing ok.... i dunno mikeB took my out side for air.. i started to feel good but what i really needed was to go home.. so i called my mom and she came and got me... im soory heather
now i sit here in bored dome still not feeling myself... i have a massive headache and im really weak feeling.. i dunno what im doing today ... i really don't |
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| the words... |
[Nov. 4th, 2003|10:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radio head - fake plastic trees | ] |
i've been working on righting a poem about myfeeling for a while now... im really have a hard time wording it... its to confusing... well not to me probally for others... and i will probally never finish...just like my life unfinished... cameras are evil!!! o yea i had to speak infront of my class and of course mike murano and lu and dom all made me nerves ass all hell... but it was funny cause we all made fun of each other haha murano's speech was funny as hell.. o yea i really wish the tom and shawn thing would stop... it hurts to see friends fighting about replaceinf each other... its werid.... and i hope i pass history cause lockwood is a hard ass teacher... new colors in my journal hope u like i think i do.. the combo of the colors was a mistake but it turnout good.. allso new icon.... well cya u guys later.... |
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| (optional) |
[Oct. 19th, 2003|11:47 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | marilyn manson - sweet dreams (cover) | ] |
last night was pretty fun.. we went to birch left after lif for death and then when to eds house where i played oh his preety nice halfstack... yea then we went and picked up sara and steph and we went to barnes and noble to find a "scarey place " to go to.. so went tryed to find these house but got lost could not find them... so went just went to some little gaveyard... it was sad looking at knock over tombstones and broken ones... but anyway yea it was.. don't know what im doing today hopefully something |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 17th, 2003|11:40 pm] |
LAST PERSON WHO..
*Slept in your bed: me
*Made you cry: mom
*You shared a drink with: sara
*You went to the movies with: steve coline tj matt ryan tom marco and more i think
*You went to the mall with: mom
*Yelled at you: i think kyle
*Sent you a comment on Livejournal: stacey
*Said they were going to kill you: kelly D
**HAVE YOU EVER..
*Said "I love you: and meant it?: im not sure
*Gotten in a fight: yea
*Been to New York? yes
*Been to Florida? yes
*Been to California? no
*Been to Hawaii? no
*been to Mexico? yea
*been to China? no
*Been to Canada? yea
*Got a really bad feeling about something then it happened? yea
*hoped were the opposite sex? hell no im happy with my penis
*Had an imaginary friend? never
*Red or Blue? red
*Spring or Fall? fall
*Santa or Rudolph? there both anti-chirsts
*Math or English? math.. burns like a mofo
*What are you going to do after you finish this survey? sleep
*What was the last food you ate? uncle bens rice bowl
*High school or college? high school
*Are you bored? eh
*How many buddies are on? 50ish
*Do you have a crush on someone? o yea ... heather
*What book are you reading now? sleepers
*Favorite board game? password
*Favorite magazine? spin
*Worst feeling in the world? geting burned
*What is the first thing you think of when you wake in the morning? y? what am i doing today
*How many rings before you answer? huh
*Future daughter's name? noel
*Future son's name? skyler
*Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla
****about the opposite sex****
*honestly, what do you notice first?: the way they look at me
*must-have personality trait: pureness
*hair-curly or straight?: meh don't matter
*hair-long or short?: short but long is good on some girls heather<3
*thing you hate most about 'em?: they change
*thing you love most about 'em?: the way they make me feel
***DESCRIBE YOUR
*Wallet : my poket
*Hairbrush: haha brush hair
*Toothbrush : green
*Jewelry worn daily: necklace
*Pillow cover: plaid
*Blanket: strips
*Coffee cup : starbucks
*Sunglasses : none
*Shoes : I path
*Favorite top : striped button up shirt from the gap
*Cologne/Perfume : bod
*CD in stereo right now : thursday
*Tattoos : my skin
*Piercings: none
*What you are wearing now : shirt, jeans
*Hair: in my face
WHO or WHAT (was/is/are)
*In my head : heather
*After this: maybe party
*Eating : soda?
*If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason : richard simions he scares me
*Person you wish you could see right now : heather
*Is next to you: nobody :(
*Some of your favorite movies : donnie darko,fight club,scarface,and taxi driver
*Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month : heather
*Do you like candles : sure
*Do you like hot wax : on my body?
*Do you believe in forgiveness: sometimes mostly
*What do you want done with your body when you die : my parts donated
*What is the latest you've ever stayed up: all night and the next day 48 hours
o so bored |
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| ultra sex!!! |
[Oct. 16th, 2003|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mindless self indulgence - royally fucked | ] |
oh my!!!! |
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| fuck my face fuck my name |
[Oct. 16th, 2003|02:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  energetic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | weezer - say it aint so | ] |
new colors..... yea i need a icon someone make me one im lazy
Xs are so trendy: stuff is better then ur good pal joe
bringherastarX: I love you joey!!
haha good stuff
well yea ill still soory about not going to ur party cait but u dissed donnie darko soo ...boo! lol
and way todays my dads birthday and i have to go to a rib place for dinner o yay....
as u can see im not "depressed anymore" all thx to friends and heather i love that girl to death.... yea so new thursday cd is really good :) and i am done |
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| long story... |
[Oct. 6th, 2003|10:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | morose | ] |
| [ | music |
| | underoath- the last | ] |
i don't know whats going on.. so i think i need to recap some of my life were this "pain" begain... so if u don't want to hear complaining and one big "emo" story then i think u may want to exit...
-the stacey story
well it began last year... i started likeing stacey... we hung out acouple times and became more then friends never going out but we were more then friends... she was and still is an amazing girl.. she filled me with joy.. but no matter what there was allways problems... there was allways one or to things holding us back from going out but it was fine... slow it started to fade.. she started to go towards an other guy with less problems... this was fine but it left me in the cold... this was the first disapointment... it was nor her or my falut it just happened... well i guess she moved on but i really never did... for a while i thought about how things would be...
-friends
my band (me jay matt ryan) broke up at the beging of summer cause our friendships were in trouble so we took a break.. our friendship patched up but still today there are some holes... there are stupid arguments fights.. most of the summer was fun... but i think there was alot of talking behind peoples backs... i know some of it and im sure there is alot more...
-jackson
back to the girl thing i started talking to this girl cat.. she was very cool she lived in a diffrent town but it i was willing to try... well finally we met and it was ok ( im going to let the truth out now) while hangout with her i started to like her friend which was really bad.. i told cat that i lost feelings towards her and it was bad.. so many fights... i mena i spent most of summer talking to her i dunno it was bad... then me and her friend started to talk more and then we were going to try i think and then one day she went out with her old boyfriend i got really pissed and disapointed... that was anyother depressing chapter of my life...
-summer ending
with a summer ending with so many question and missled truth... i be came depress.. and im not talking fake " oo my girlfriend broke up with me depression" im talking the real thing... there was many nights were there was a noose and fan with my name on it... i allways told myself that life could get better that i needed to give things a try... well after so much disapointment i gave girls anyother try... i look at a firend in a diffrent way...
-the week of questions
me and lauren talked and i feel for her... she started to like me.. this brought problems between her and a friend.. i felt horrible.. i allready knew this wouldn't last... her and her firend talk and things were cool... i was hopeing for succes... me and lauren hung out we mostly layed next to each other.. where there should have been warmth i felt cold.. i knew somthing was wrong... things were perfect but the asshole joe is felt like nothing was right... i couldn't take it anylonger... i know i needed to do soemthing before i hurt lauren... so i ruined a week of nice dreams... i broke up with her... bad mistake on my part...
-her
now i stand here alone... i have amazing friends or so i think... sometimes i wish i had none... i wish i had something... someone... anything to hold on to... i stared to have feelings for a old friend who i once fell for... she is everthing i ever needed.. she has everthing i want... although there is another girl who i like but there is no chance that she will like me... i met her not to long ago but i know who she is for a while... everthing i want is either taken from me or just taken... there is nothing i would like more is to feel the way i felt awhile ago... i want the warmth of you... i am still willing to give this new girl a try i wish i had the chance too but i dunno whats going to happen.... so the the only thing i have is secerts... thats the only thing i have to hold on too so i don't know anymore... i wish the lovely girl would just walk into my arms...
- thank you
Cait M - you have allways been there for me.. you are one of the sweetest girls i know... u have such a strong beauty inside and out... you are one of the reasons i am still here today.. there was one night.. if u didn't answer my Im i would not be here today... i can't thank u enough maybe one day i will be able t show u... cait there is a great amount of love going towards u from my heart
Gurney - bro we have had some great times... you allways try to help.. and if u can't help u can make me smile.. you know more about me then most people do and i know i have not be the most trustworthy friend in the world but i dunno man i so glad to have u by my said today... i'am going to promise myself and u taht i will try to be the freind that u deserve...
no this is not a suicide letter so don't think that
i just need to recap and open up mylife
...This is about as "emo" as i get... |
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| [face-less] |
[Oct. 2nd, 2003|03:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | guilty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | set it off i think | ] |
im doing ok i guess... its hard to be by people lately... i dunno... comfort needed |
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| fuck my face fuck my name |
[Sep. 29th, 2003|05:44 pm] |
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i wish i could disaper for a while and come back and everthing be ok... i broke up with lauren today ... with was a bad thing... but i had to do it... im mentaly ill... and alot of shit is happening in such alittle time it to crazy for me... i can't can't even control my life... i can't imagne breing someone else into it... and i hate the way i act but tahst me... a fuck up... well all i have is bright eyes now..... the only cd i can listen now... o well... if u would like to hate me go ahead it seems like everbody will... im just killing everbodys love.... why wont someone return the favor |
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| coolness |
[Sep. 28th, 2003|06:07 pm] |
me and lauren hung out it was cool...
laurens a sweet girl..
umm yea im tired i think im dieing
... but im not sure so ill get back to u on that one...
im not going to use taht screen name.. cause i don't know i don't liek haveing new screen names so im going to still use xs are so trendy for now..... so whatever...... yea nothing really to talk about.... o yea my booldtest was preety cool... even tho i allready wrote about it lol... o wel cya |
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